Hubby Speaks

REACTIONS AND BRAIN PROCESSES

When we react to something, there are a few things
going on: emotions, the facts, the circumstance, and
the other people. How do we determine what set of
facts/circumstances warrant what level of response?
Is it possible to always run through a checklist of
emotional and factual items before we allow a type of
reaction? Isn't that what we do every time we react?
It is the process that our brains go through in a
split second, and we react based on the offense, the
level of offense, and the level of problems that the
offense causes us.

We do this all the time. For example, someone cuts you
off on the highway. In a split second, your brain
determines whether or not the incident was dangerous
or problematic enough that it should illicit a response.
And then what seems like an involuntary action from us
takes place. But actually, it is a completely voluntary
action. Based on if the situation had happened
before, based on how we are doing emotionally the
instant it happens, based on how frustrating the day
has been, based on how many other times recently you
have felt injured or slighted or taken advantage of,
your brain processes all that and spits out a
response. You act upon it or you resist it. Those are
the two options that we have.

If we become aware that all this is going on, then we
can participate in the process. I have come to
understand how my body works with regard to health
issues. When I am not aware of what certain things do
to my body when I eat them, then I am unable to draw a
line of understanding from the eating to the health
problem that results. But once I am aware of why the
body operates the way it does, then I can understand
that certain things that I eat or participate in will
bring about unwanted results. I enter into the process
of changing the unwanted result by changing part of
the process that leads to that result.

In the same way, being able to help people draw a line
connecting reactions to personal environment can help
us own the process instead of being enslaved to
whatever the outcome may be. You can train yourself
to be more involved in those split second decisions.
Awareness is the first step. Honesty and authenticity
follow close behind.

You can train yourself to be more involved in those
split second choices. Awareness goes up, and you build
into your framework the following questions: Is this
affecting me for extreme harm, or is it something that
will pass and I can just let go? Do I need to involve
myself in the situation, or can I stay out and off to
the side?

You can determine the severity of the situation, and
plan your response to achieve the outcome you desire.
Be honest about how you're feeling at the moment. For
example, just being aware of how tired you are will
allow you to not overreact when the children are just
doing normal stuff. It confuses those around you when
you react one way one day, and react another the next.
Your reaction isn't based on the other person's
action, as much as it is based on your stressed
emotions, lack of sleep, etc. It is all about knowing
your self and feeding that information into the mix of
other facts. That is what will bring about the perfect
reaction. Training your self to strip away the things
that are not truly relevant and giving credence to the
things that are true before reacting.