Hubby Speaks
Saturday, October 15, 2005
REACTIONS & CONFLICT
Our reactions to things, people, events, words, situations, and circumstances set up the rest of our lives for today and for the future. Reactions are powerful. We all have hundreds of reactions throughout the week. Some are small and some are huge in scope.
Many times we will walk away from a conversation and wish we would have reacted differently. Although it is impossible to react perfectly in every situation, you can greatly improve your percentage of perfect reactions.
Some people are always overreacting, and some people seem to never react harshly over anything. Which is right? The truth is that neither is right all the time.
There will be and should be times in our lives that provoke intense reactions. There are times to be angry, irritated, scared, irate, and there are times to be graceful, patient, and gentle. Knowing the difference between the two will allow you to enjoy great relationships and opportunities in life. Not knowing how to react will cause you constant relational strain.
I believe that underreacting to situations is just as harmful as overreacting in others. It's obvious that the overreactors get more attention, but the underreactors among us do as much harm if not more at times.
Let's say that I am tired and looking forward to relaxing once I get home. As soon as I walk through the door, I am faced with an explosive situation that needs to be dealt with. If I begin to get involved in the conflict, I am in for a lengthy discussion or battle, so I am tempted to ignore it or just say enough to diffuse it for now in order to avoid a fight.
But is it always the right thing to diffuse the conflict and maintain peace? Many people have an unconscious rule that they live by in their homes or with certain people in their homes (or at work) that goes something like this, "Peace at any price." We've learned not to upset some in our household or office no matter what, because it will be awful for everyone for the rest of the day, weekend, or vacation. So we pacify each other thinking that's the best, but there is always a price to pay.
(To be continued...)
Our reactions to things, people, events, words, situations, and circumstances set up the rest of our lives for today and for the future. Reactions are powerful. We all have hundreds of reactions throughout the week. Some are small and some are huge in scope.
Many times we will walk away from a conversation and wish we would have reacted differently. Although it is impossible to react perfectly in every situation, you can greatly improve your percentage of perfect reactions.
Some people are always overreacting, and some people seem to never react harshly over anything. Which is right? The truth is that neither is right all the time.
There will be and should be times in our lives that provoke intense reactions. There are times to be angry, irritated, scared, irate, and there are times to be graceful, patient, and gentle. Knowing the difference between the two will allow you to enjoy great relationships and opportunities in life. Not knowing how to react will cause you constant relational strain.
I believe that underreacting to situations is just as harmful as overreacting in others. It's obvious that the overreactors get more attention, but the underreactors among us do as much harm if not more at times.
Let's say that I am tired and looking forward to relaxing once I get home. As soon as I walk through the door, I am faced with an explosive situation that needs to be dealt with. If I begin to get involved in the conflict, I am in for a lengthy discussion or battle, so I am tempted to ignore it or just say enough to diffuse it for now in order to avoid a fight.
But is it always the right thing to diffuse the conflict and maintain peace? Many people have an unconscious rule that they live by in their homes or with certain people in their homes (or at work) that goes something like this, "Peace at any price." We've learned not to upset some in our household or office no matter what, because it will be awful for everyone for the rest of the day, weekend, or vacation. So we pacify each other thinking that's the best, but there is always a price to pay.
(To be continued...)
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Hiya Hubby! Jamie Dawn said I should come over and make your acquaintance and I ALWAYS mind JD ;) Welcome to the blog world!
I am here via Jamie Dawn. Welcome to blogging! You have very interesting thoughts and perspectives. I'll be back to read your continuation on this topic.
Whew, this is weird. I was just having that conversation with my son this morning. You and I keep dovetailing.
He was complaining about how his father always lets him play video games until his stepmother is due to get home, then his father gets panicked and makes him turn it off. His dad says "We don't want her to think this is ALL we do!"
His dad wants to avoid conflict.
But, as I pointed out to my son, this is not the way to behave in a relationship. If you agree to something you don't wish to agree to, you end up repeating that every single time. It's far better to get that sort of thing out in the open and, if you have to, agree to disagree. It's not as easy, but it reduces the repeated problems later on.
He was complaining about how his father always lets him play video games until his stepmother is due to get home, then his father gets panicked and makes him turn it off. His dad says "We don't want her to think this is ALL we do!"
His dad wants to avoid conflict.
But, as I pointed out to my son, this is not the way to behave in a relationship. If you agree to something you don't wish to agree to, you end up repeating that every single time. It's far better to get that sort of thing out in the open and, if you have to, agree to disagree. It's not as easy, but it reduces the repeated problems later on.
BTW, please understand I wasn't knocking his dad. I was telling him that this was not the ideal way to behave with a spouse... I am very supportive of my ex, but I am always honest with my son because I want him to become a well-adjusted man someday. I am equally honest about MY flaws.
I was here yesterday because of JD. But today I'm here because I want to be.
Good start. I truly do want to hear more.
Good start. I truly do want to hear more.
Peace at any price comes in handy sometimes - when what you want to happen won't if you take on the challenge that leads to no peace at all. I do agree that meeting the challenge is probably the better tack.
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