Hubby Speaks
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
PREDISPOSED TO REACT
We are predisposed to react in certain ways. Call it
our knee-jerk reactions. Some of us are predisposed to
offer grace to people in larger doses and more often
than others. Our reactions to others are colored by how
we view the world. For instance, if I am somebody who
constantly lives in the grey areas, who looks at rules as
suggestions, I will be more likely to understand when
someone else breaks or bends a rule. But, if I am a
highly disciplined individual who follows the rules,
then I have little room for people who skirt around
them as though they don't really matter.
Those who are more at ease with breaking the rules are
less likely to throw the book at people who deserve it.
This predisposition is a strength and a weakness, just as
the predisposition of those who are rules oriented is a
strength and weakness (They never miss a chance to
throw the book at people).
Understanding where you are allows you to get out
of your own way and balance your reactions.
Do you have the tendency to easily dismiss people's
lack of following procedures? You should be aware
that you downplay attitudes or actions that might
eventually bring harm to your family or business. By
interrupting your knee-jerk reaction towards "letting
things go all the time," you can move to more of a
balanced reaction that says, "I need to hold people
accountable for their actions."
Do you have the tendency to jump down people's
throats when they bend or break the rules? You
should be aware that you may be reacting before
listening to what they have to say. They may have
a valid reason for what they did. Interrupt your
knee-jerk reaction of "attacking all who veer
from procedure" and move towards a balance
that says, "Ease into holding people accountable
until I know all the facts."
What is your predisposition?
We are predisposed to react in certain ways. Call it
our knee-jerk reactions. Some of us are predisposed to
offer grace to people in larger doses and more often
than others. Our reactions to others are colored by how
we view the world. For instance, if I am somebody who
constantly lives in the grey areas, who looks at rules as
suggestions, I will be more likely to understand when
someone else breaks or bends a rule. But, if I am a
highly disciplined individual who follows the rules,
then I have little room for people who skirt around
them as though they don't really matter.
Those who are more at ease with breaking the rules are
less likely to throw the book at people who deserve it.
This predisposition is a strength and a weakness, just as
the predisposition of those who are rules oriented is a
strength and weakness (They never miss a chance to
throw the book at people).
Understanding where you are allows you to get out
of your own way and balance your reactions.
Do you have the tendency to easily dismiss people's
lack of following procedures? You should be aware
that you downplay attitudes or actions that might
eventually bring harm to your family or business. By
interrupting your knee-jerk reaction towards "letting
things go all the time," you can move to more of a
balanced reaction that says, "I need to hold people
accountable for their actions."
Do you have the tendency to jump down people's
throats when they bend or break the rules? You
should be aware that you may be reacting before
listening to what they have to say. They may have
a valid reason for what they did. Interrupt your
knee-jerk reaction of "attacking all who veer
from procedure" and move towards a balance
that says, "Ease into holding people accountable
until I know all the facts."
What is your predisposition?
Comments:
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Depending on the offense, it changes. I am an honest person, but I don't come down hard on people who don't seem to share my views or who stretch the truth to fit their schemes. I may not have much to do with them, though. When it was discovered recently that my pastor (married) was having an affair with the soloist(married), I felt terribly betrayed and I do not want to see him again. I wrote a blog post about adultery and sent it to him. I cannot figure out why my response to his adultery was so strong, except that I had not attended church regularly for more than 40 years when I began to attend his church, and he was so good I wanted to go every week. Many people felt the same way - so I couldn't believe that he would jeopardize the congregation for some illicit sex. (Sorry for writing a short story!)
Kenju: The only response to this man's adultery should be a strong one. Adultery is not a grey area. The man probably shouldn't be stoned to death, but a strong response of his betrayal to his wife, family and congregation is very appropriate. I'd like to punch him because he gives the church a bad name. There is enough idiotic behavior going on in church as it is to keep people at a distance. I believe when the church works correctly it is the hope of the world. And when it doesn't, it destroys lives.
(I wouldn't really punch him, because I write a blog on reactions) Or would I?
(I wouldn't really punch him, because I write a blog on reactions) Or would I?
I actually just made my own point when I answered Kenju. That being, if I had been someone who had committed adultery in the past I would probably react differently to the amount of grace extended to this person. The important thing for all of us is to understand why we have certain knee jerk reactions. Not that the knee jerk reaction is always wrong, but if you don't understand what is going on inside you. you will never be able to control what comes out.
I am quite the rule follower, and I like to have a "plan."
I don't extend grace as easily as I should. I guess that's because I'm a person that plays by the rules.
I remember Kenju posting about how disappointed she was in her pastor. I think we need people that we can count on. Her reaction was a strong one, and I agree with you that it was right for the situation.
I don't extend grace as easily as I should. I guess that's because I'm a person that plays by the rules.
I remember Kenju posting about how disappointed she was in her pastor. I think we need people that we can count on. Her reaction was a strong one, and I agree with you that it was right for the situation.
"Jumping down people throats" is never a sign of a keen mind. So too for any rush to judgment. However, I do believe there is black and white - and the shades of gray are the devils workshop. History has many examples that illustrate compromise to be a four letter word.
Good or bad - choices have consequences. Isn't that something we , as parents, attempt to teach children?
Interesting commentary! I'll blogroll you - but, can I suggest an avatar?
Good or bad - choices have consequences. Isn't that something we , as parents, attempt to teach children?
Interesting commentary! I'll blogroll you - but, can I suggest an avatar?
I think I can go either way. I'm willing to live and let live on most issues.
Adultery is definitely unacceptable behavior in a minister. I would reject the person as my minister. But that person could still be my friend. My foolish friend, who used to be a minister.
I don't have to have done a particular act in order to understand it. I've always felt that anyone given just the exact right set of circumstances, could be tempted into a foolish act of unfaithfulness. That goes for a few other things as well.
Outright stealing is an area that I would always think was unforgiveable, but then again, not if the stolen item was food and one's family was hungry. Life is a big grey area.
Big exception: Harming a child. No forgiveness there.
So I guess my predisposition is to be slow to judge.
Adultery is definitely unacceptable behavior in a minister. I would reject the person as my minister. But that person could still be my friend. My foolish friend, who used to be a minister.
I don't have to have done a particular act in order to understand it. I've always felt that anyone given just the exact right set of circumstances, could be tempted into a foolish act of unfaithfulness. That goes for a few other things as well.
Outright stealing is an area that I would always think was unforgiveable, but then again, not if the stolen item was food and one's family was hungry. Life is a big grey area.
Big exception: Harming a child. No forgiveness there.
So I guess my predisposition is to be slow to judge.
Mike: Are you suggesting that I obtain an avatar? Or, do you have one in mind that you think fits my blog?
"Do you have the tendency to jump down people's throats when they bend or break the rules? You should be aware that you may be reacting before listening to what they have to say. They may have a valid reason for what they did. "
This is a very good position to keep in mind if one is raising a teenager!!! :)
This is a very good position to keep in mind if one is raising a teenager!!! :)
# posted by 
: 4:55 AM
: 4:55 AM
No avatar suggestions - with all the talent that surrounds you , that should be no problem. My thought was that it would dress up the B&W scheme and be an identifier - maybe clever like a hub cap. Also, see ( http://gravatar.com/ ).
I've got you blogrolled w/ a pen & paper icon.
I've got you blogrolled w/ a pen & paper icon.
My home state still has an electric chair and initial reaction to bad people is to think that chair has far too little use. But if I were alone in a room with the bad guy for an hour, I'd bet we'd end up with him crying on my sholder while I patted his back.
A French proverb says that to know all is to forgive all. And a wise man cautioned, "Judge not that ye be not judged".
So after my knee-jerk reaction to evil doers -- like the guy who drives past with his radio rocking my car -- is that he ought to be excecuted and I'll gladly flip the switch myself. But when I reflect on how I've aggrivated other people in my own way, I'm inclined to forgive others -- except for the radio guy. Him, I'd fry.
A French proverb says that to know all is to forgive all. And a wise man cautioned, "Judge not that ye be not judged".
So after my knee-jerk reaction to evil doers -- like the guy who drives past with his radio rocking my car -- is that he ought to be excecuted and I'll gladly flip the switch myself. But when I reflect on how I've aggrivated other people in my own way, I'm inclined to forgive others -- except for the radio guy. Him, I'd fry.
Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Where have I heard that before?
I think I tend not to have a knee-jerk reaction. I believe in the American slogan that everyone is innocent until proven quilty and I pretty much like to think that I live in a "pollyanna" society where everyone is good and righteous. When people do things to upset my 'vision' --I'm more shocked and disappointed than angry and vindictive. Much grace has been extended to me --why should I not extend grace to another?
On the other hand, if it's my husband who has 'forgotten' to throw his dirty socks in the hamper - AGAIN---then look out!!
Where have I heard that before?
I think I tend not to have a knee-jerk reaction. I believe in the American slogan that everyone is innocent until proven quilty and I pretty much like to think that I live in a "pollyanna" society where everyone is good and righteous. When people do things to upset my 'vision' --I'm more shocked and disappointed than angry and vindictive. Much grace has been extended to me --why should I not extend grace to another?
On the other hand, if it's my husband who has 'forgotten' to throw his dirty socks in the hamper - AGAIN---then look out!!
Too many people misunderstand what Christ was saying when he said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
The New Testament was originally written in Greek. The Greek verb, "to judge" means literally to sift or separate. Judgment in this sense means to distinguish, in the sense of expressing a preference.
This verse cannot mean that we are to suspend our critical faculties in relation to other people. It cannot mean to turn a blind eye to their faults and pretend not to notice them. Why is the case?
A.) Partly because it wouldn't be honest to behave like that, to refuse to discern between truth and error or goodness and evil. You could only do this by covering up the truth - and this pretense means hypocrisy. And Jesus condemns hypocrisy.
B.) Another reason is that such behavior would encourage error and evil in the world. And surely that's not the intention of Jesus.
C.) It would also contradict our nature as human beings. One of our distinctive capacities as human beings is our capability of making value judgments.
The New Testament was originally written in Greek. The Greek verb, "to judge" means literally to sift or separate. Judgment in this sense means to distinguish, in the sense of expressing a preference.
This verse cannot mean that we are to suspend our critical faculties in relation to other people. It cannot mean to turn a blind eye to their faults and pretend not to notice them. Why is the case?
A.) Partly because it wouldn't be honest to behave like that, to refuse to discern between truth and error or goodness and evil. You could only do this by covering up the truth - and this pretense means hypocrisy. And Jesus condemns hypocrisy.
B.) Another reason is that such behavior would encourage error and evil in the world. And surely that's not the intention of Jesus.
C.) It would also contradict our nature as human beings. One of our distinctive capacities as human beings is our capability of making value judgments.
I tend to be too easygoing with others, and I know it. I allow too much at times, because it's easier than micromanaging. However, the other side of the coin is that there are many people who do better with laissez faire management styles (I'm one of them). Sure, I'm a workaholic, but don't demand that I be one. Leave me alone and watch what I can do!
However, not everyone is a self-starter or ambitious. The key is to figure out what your people are (if you're an owner or a manager of a business) and individualize your management style. The same applies to all relationships, really.
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However, not everyone is a self-starter or ambitious. The key is to figure out what your people are (if you're an owner or a manager of a business) and individualize your management style. The same applies to all relationships, really.
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